Episode 11: Trauma at the Holidays

Are you dealing with trauma at the holidays as an adult child of divorce? Whether the trauma is new or old, there is hope and healing for you in today’s podcast.

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How Does Trauma Affect You at the Holidays?

Our parents’ divorce is a traumatic event in our lives. No matter if you were a little child, an adolescent, or a young adult at the time of divorce, this trauma impacts you in more ways than you may realize.

Yesterday I watched my favorite Christian daily show, hosted by Dr. Henry Cloud. Around 17:45 on this video, he talked about the way our brain reacts to trauma triggers. Our memories are connected in many “webs” in our brain, and a single current event can trigger multiple memories of trauma. When these old memories are triggered, it’s as if we are living the trauma all over again.

I’m thinking about this in terms of the holidays today. If you tend to get angry, defensive, sad, worried, scared or withdrawn during the holidays, it’s likely that your old trauma as a child of divorce is being triggered. I can think of many examples in past holidays when I overreacted, overexplained, or tried to people please because I didn’t know I was being triggered.

When we recognize our triggers, we can handle them so much better. Around the 20:00 mark on this video, Dr. Cloud offers an excellent suggestion for handling trauma before it begins. He shares wisdom on how to handle trauma triggers through the 27:30 mark, and tells us to meditate on Psalm 101 too. I’m planning to apply his advice this Christmas for greater peace. I hope his advice helps you as well.

Trauma at the Holidays Show Notes

1:00

My friend Heather Gillis’ blog post, Why Is It So Hard to Heal, inspired this podcast. I encourage you to check out her story and follow her on social media too. You won’t be disappointed!

1:37

In Episode 3 I talked about trauma, and you can listen HERE. A simple definition of trauma is:

  • You don’t expect it
  • You are unprepared
  • Once it started, you couldn’t stop it

3:46

The concept of traumatic bonding is explained very well in this book by Lundy Bancroft, which is a must-read for anyone with an angry, abusive male in their lives. A secular read that completely revolutionized my thinking and gave me practical tools of help.

7:50

For a comprehensive discussion on codependency, I highly recommend Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. This is a book full of practical wisdom written from a secular perspective, and I’ve gained much help from it.

8:55

Find your ACE score, view a list of risk factors, and do a self-assessment of resiliency HERE.

13:35

A testimony of the blessing my grandparents gave me as a child of divorce.

15:43

Dealing with addiction as a family member? I have hope for you on this post and this post.

17:40

I appreciated Dr. Cloud’s wisdom about handling trauma at the holidays in this video. He starts sharing his wisdom on this around 1:57.

18:04

Handling the “shoulds” – you can read my post about this HERE.

20:10

To learn about Tamar’s entire story, read 2 Samuel 13.

21:35

My popular post about Tamar is HERE.

29:00

To find a Stephen Minister in your area, visit this page.

29:50

For a free, one-time consultation with a Christian counselor who will help you find a counselor in your area, contact Focus on the Family on this page. I did this years ago and it made all the difference in my healing journey.

Episode 11 Heart in a Drawer

Free Printable to Help You Handle Trauma at the Holidays

I reference this scripture in the podcast as well:

Psalm 147:3

You can download your free worksheet to help you meditate on Proverbs 147:3 and reflect on the lessons in this podcast HERE.

More Recommended Reads

More books I recommend about dealing with childhood trauma:

The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity


Healing the Scars of Childhood Abuse: Moving Beyond the Past Into a Healthy Future

Episode 11: Heart in a Drawer

I have many more free printables for you in my Library, which you can access immediately as a subscriber to my weekly Tea on Tuesdays devotions. Sign up below in the Tea on Tuesdays box. I’ll provide free printables to you, made for especially for adult children of divorce.

Episode 11 Heart in a Drawer

Prayer Requests for Trauma at the Holidays

Do you have a prayer request for me regarding trauma at the holidays? I’d be honored to pray for you, and I hold your prayer requests in complete confidence. Send me your request HERE.

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Watch Episode 11 on YouTube below.

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