Are you a high achiever who secretly ties her sense of worth to production? I am. I know many of my readers struggle with feeling like they have to perform to earn love. That’s been my story for most of my life.
This constant performance is exhausting. No matter how hard I try (and boy, do I try hard!), I always feel a little empty inside. I think, “If I could just produce that one other thing, I will feel good about myself.” When that goal is accomplished, I immediately pursue another goal, since the emptiness remains.
If you relate to this inner struggle, I understand you, friend. The good news is that God can set us free from that struggle. I’m a recovering perfectionist. I’ll always be tempted to think my worth is tied to production. Yet God has shown me that my worth lies in him, not in how much I produce. I’d love to help you learn that lesson.
The Right Source for Self Worth
Last year I transitioned to working from home full-time, and a funny thing happened.
I struggled to feel my value.
Has that ever happened to you?
As I established a regular schedule, I recounted over and over what I just did. I said to myself, “In the past four hours, I wrote a blog post, then I finished an article for pay, and I did three loads of laundry, and I washed the dishes.”
My lists were becoming litanies of self-worth.
I’m a list maker, and lists prove my accomplishments. Lately I’ve been furiously reviewing my lists, trying to prove to myself that I have worth.
A few months before I quit my job, I heard God whisper something like this to my heart:
“I want you to enter a season of basking in my presence.”
In my spirit, I argued with God. I told him I need more income, so I need to find more work. I told him I need to cook more, clean more, and exercise more. I’m home, after all, so I need to have proof that I’m being productive. I can’t just sit still and bask in his presence. I must have something to show for my hours at home!
Then on Sunday morning, I watched a video lesson from Shauna Niequist’s Present Over Perfect series.
She asked a question that spoke to my heart:
What is a label someone could put on you that would devastate you, a low blow that speaks to something you hold a little too closely?
My word is lazy.
I HATE being called lazy. I HATE being accused of getting nothing done.
Why? Because for so very long, I’ve seen myself as having value only through my accomplishments.
I’m learning, very slowly and with much resistance, that God doesn’t see me like that. He doesn’t see me as worthy only when I’m making money, keeping a clean house, or producing more creative projects. He doesn’t want me to seek my worth in production.
He values me simply because he created me, and he calls me his daughter. He wants me to find my worth in what he calls me: precious, chosen, and loved.
Today I’m meditating on this verse, which I hopes brings you comfort and peace as it does to me:
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous–how well I know it.
Psalm 139:13-14 NLT
The truth God is speaking to my heart now: Even if we never produce another thing, we are all proof of God’s marvelous workmanship.
I’m still going to make lists, but I’m choosing to see them as guides rather than definitions.
I’m still going to try to make my days productive, but I’m not going to measure my worth against how much I produce.
I’m going to spend time every day basking in God’s presence, remembering how he sees me. I will gain greater peace from that time with him inside my busy day.
This post originally appeared on Woman 2 Woman Ministries.
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