The Story Between Two Solar Eclipses

Today I’ll share the story between two solar eclipses – one in 2017, and one today in 2024. I live at the center of the X, the very best viewing in the world for both solar eclipses. So much has happened in this seven-year timespan, and this is a story of triumph after much suffering.

The Story Between Two Solar Eclipses

I’m a fifth-generation resident of southeast Missouri, right in the center of the X in the photo above. My great-great-grandparents settled on the same square mile where I live. They were fleeing religious persecution in Germany and looking for new opportunities. Like many German immigrants in the mid-19th century, they liked the rolling hills here that reminded them of Saxony in Germany, so this is where they made their home.

As I’ve written about in my seven books, I am grateful for the faith heritage passed down to me through the paternal side of my family. I wouldn’t be writing without that heritage today, so that’s where I’m starting my story.

Here’s a photo of the family farm during the August 2017 solar eclipse – darkness in midday.

The Seeds of the Story

The seeds of the story between two solar eclipses actually began back in 1997 or so, when I was a student at Covenant College. I have a photographic memory, and recently I’ve been reflecting on a powerful lecture I attended around 27 years ago.

Dr. Cliff Foreman spoke on the book of Job to a lecture hall of about 100 students. At the beginning of his lecture, he drew a large heart on a chalkboard. Inside the heart, he wrote “Job + God.” That’s what Job’s relationship looked like with God before the calamities began. It was close, intimate, and vibrant.

When calamities struck, Dr. Foreman erased God’s name from the heart. It was “Job + empty space” for 38 chapters as Job deeply lamented his losses with a brutal authenticity that still shakes us today, thousands of years later.

Ever the copious notetaker, I wrote pages of notes on this lecture. At 20 years old, I didn’t really understand the application, but I found it fascinating.

Dr. Foreman described the main problem – the broken relationship between Job and God, which was more painful than the horrific circumstances he endured. It foreshadowed what Jesus feared most during his prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane – not the torturous pain of crucifixion as much as the temporary loss of a perfect relationship with his heavenly Father.

Then I listened to Dr. Foreman describe God speaking – no, thundering – to Job from the whirlwind in Job 40-42. This wild display of God’s fierce creative power shut Job up. Mysteriously, God not answering Job’s relentless questions and demands for justice was the grand reset of their relationship.

As Dr. Foreman restored God’s name inside the heart, he reminded us this happened before all of Job’s fortunes were restored. The main point of the book of Job is the desperate need we humans have to connect with our Creator. He is the Lord of the universe, yet he longs for intimate friendship with us. Even in our suffering, we can trust that he is wooing us back to himself.

Though I’m a keeper and have scoured my house for these lecture notes, I can’t find them. However, the truths are emblazoned on my memory, and that’s what matters for this story between two solar eclipses.

The Story of the 2017 Solar Eclipse

You can read my testimony about the 2017 solar eclipse in this poem, I Am Awestruck; and in the Totality chapter of my book, Hidden Manna on a Country Road.

What I remember most about that warm August afternoon in 2017 is the fear that gripped me. Fear that I listed in my post and book chapter. But also these fears I’ll name today:

• the death of my marriage due to addiction
• the death of the family farm
• financial troubles
• impossibility of dream fulfillment

Sadly, those first three became true, which I’ll detail in a moment. But when I look back on what good has come from these past seven years, it lies mostly in the dream fulfillment of becoming an author, speaker, and editor for a living. Those are huge accomplishments possible only by God weaving all kinds of things together at just the right time, and I’m thanking him for those blessings today.

My main takeaway from that powerful two minutes and 20 seconds of totality in August 2017 was this:

It’s still a good truth to ponder today.

The Story Between the Last Eclipse and Today’s Eclipse

Writing the story between the last eclipse and today’s eclipse would be like writing another book (which I may do someday). However, I’ll give you a very brief timeline of the horrible suffering I’ve experienced:

• a brutally painful divorce after 21 years of emotional abuse
• severe and public betrayal on many sides
• initiation of no-contact boundaries in several primary relationships
• daily triggering of PTSD for 18 months with trauma constantly in my face
• my first Christmas with no family
• sale of the nearly 100-year-old family farm, and inability to grieve with family
• inability to work to capacity from PTSD, which resulted in financial difficulties compounded by inflation
• surgery needed for my beloved dog’s ACL tear (fully funded by donations – thank you, Lord!)
• filing two ex-parte orders against wicked people, including a cross-country stalker, resulting in more PTSD
• being kicked off a ministry team for an illegitimate reason
• a stranger casing out my house repeatedly with drive-by cruisings
• the sudden disappearance of all three of my dogs for five days (still thankful for their return)
• personal sufferings too painful and private to mention

People who know the whole story react with strong emotions. They use words like “unliveable,” “unspeakable,” “catastrophic,” and “Job-like” to describe all I’ve gone through, which I’ve only barely touched on above. One woman who I haven’t seen in a while actually began crying in public when I told her what had happened, and I never knew her to be a crier before. My two best friends, both strong sisters in Christ, have said, “I wish I had the words to say to comfort you, but I don’t even know what to say.” Also my counselor, who is like a dad to me and has ministered to me for 15 years, has said in his 32 years of counseling, he has never seen another case with higher drama, including ones where he dealt with satanic worshipers.

My Relationship with God Between Two Solar Eclipses

In the past two years, I have gone through two dark nights of the soul with God. One in the winter of 2022, and another in the winter of 2023. Because I was so intensely close to God before all this happened, this spiritual fallout has been the most difficult part of the story between two eclipses.

The most surprising thing about this experience is that God seemed to invite me to get angry with him. Often I suffered because I did exactly as he told me, and immediate suffering resulted. It became harder to understand God with mid- to high-level suffering hitting me on a near-weekly basis for two years straight.

This January and February, I couldn’t even read the Bible without bursting into tears because I felt so betrayed by him, so unloved and forsaken. Though my head was on board with the truth and knew these were lies from the devil, my heart was in hiding, desperately trying to heal from the constant trauma.

Yet the passages of the Bible I was able to read include these passages from Job in the Message translation:

“I’m not letting up—I’m standing my ground.
    My complaint is legitimate.
God has no right to treat me like this—
    it isn’t fair!
If I knew where on earth to find him,
    I’d go straight to him.
I’d lay my case before him face-to-face,
    give him all my arguments firsthand.
I’d find out exactly what he’s thinking,
    discover what’s going on in his head.”

“But he knows where I am and what I’ve done.
    He can cross-examine me all he wants, and I’ll pass the test with honors.
I’ve followed him closely, my feet in his footprints,
    not once swerving from his way.
I’ve obeyed every word he’s spoken,
    and not just obeyed his advice—I’ve treasured it.”

– from Job 23

Preparing for the 2024 Solar Eclipse

Last week I went to my first counseling appointment in a while. It was a well-timed, much-needed butt-kicking from my caring counselor, who spoke to me like a coach at halftime. Basically, he told me it’s time to get back into the ring and fight for joy despite the legitimate horrors I’ve faced.

Since then I’ve sensed a slight shift in my spirit. It feels like the sloughing off of an old skin. The new skin is tender and vulnerable, yet it’s real and ready.

I’ve been pondering Dr. Foreman’s lecture again. I’ve been thinking about how I’m sick of that dangling, empty space in the heart that says “Sarah + nothing.” I want God to come back into it. He’s been waiting for my invitation all along.

I’m also thinking back to that blazing moment of the 2017 eclipse, which will be twice as long in 2024. When I looked through my protective glasses at the sun’s rays blazing around the moon, I felt like I was seeing God in the whirlwind. I was speechless in the glory of the moment. It literally shut me up.

I realized yesterday in church that when Job saw God in the whirlwind, his fortunes had not yet been restored.  He hadn’t been fully healed. Nothing had been truly set right, and it certainly hadn’t been explained. Yet God showing up in a blaze of glory was what he needed most. That mysterious moment of the sky opening and God revealing himself to Job put God’s name securely back in the center of that heart, where it never left again.

My Hope for Restoration in the Story Between Two Solar Eclipses

That’s what I’m looking for this afternoon. A blaze of glory that will forever secure God’s place in my heart again, never to be removed by future trauma or suffering. I’m not saying I’ll never go through another dark night of the soul. Pete Scazzero says in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality that we can have multiple dark nights of the soul as Christian leaders. Yet I’ll always be able to look back on April 8, 2024 and declare it as a day of restored goodness.

I don’t know what’s ahead for me. I can only take one day at a time, like I learned when I attended Al-Anon. Justice has not yet been served in all situations, and I certainly have not received satisfactory explanations for my “why” questions. But I’m following God’s nudging to fight my natural melancholy bent every day with joy-seeking and gratitude.

Here’s an example of recent joy-seeking:

As I’ve written before, when I see a bald eagle, it’s always a sign of God’s goodness and protection. At just the right time yesterday, I saw Brave Eagle again, and I smiled at this sign of God’s promise that everything will not just be okay after the eclipse, but better than before.

I still need more healing. Things won’t magically turn around overnight. But by storing today’s solar eclipse sighting in my photographic memory, then reflecting on it as a symbol of “Sarah + God” in my heart, I can overcome my depression and PTSD in time. I look forward to seeing what God will do in the story he’s writing in my life, which might turn into a book I’ll write someday. Stay tuned by signing up below!

Photos of the 2024 Eclipse

You can see the video of totality HERE.

See the progression of the totality view HERE.

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