How the body of Christ has encouraged me after divorce is what I’m pondering today after being plunged deep into grief yet again, 3.5+ years post-divorce. I’m writing this today to encourage myself and hopefully you as well.

How the Body of Christ Has Encouraged Me After Divorce

My divorce happened in March 2022, only two months after the ex left after 21 years of a multi-level abusive and alcoholic marriage.

Olympic-level trauma continued to rain down relentlessly on me in the years following. Just last night, I was plunged back into it unexpectedly, so now I have new trauma from which to recover.

I have seen my Christian counselor since 2009. He is a spiritual father to me. He told me that in his 30+ years of practice, he has never seen a case that has exceeded my level of drama. This includes cases in which he cast evil spirits out of people. That’s how horrible it’s been – but I won’t go into details. Just know that a mental health professional has confirmed how unspeakably terrible it has been for me.

However, the body of Christ showed up for me time after time. My counselor said there is no other explanation for how I’ve survived this than the fact that thousands of people are praying for me. They have supported me through prayers and also in other ways. I want to say thank you to them today.

Who Is the Body of Christ?

In case you’re not familiar with this term, the body of Christ is the Church – brothers and sisters who are fellow believers. Many of them have also suffered like me, and that drives their compassion and prayers. Because I have virtually no family support (one of the major fallouts post-divorce), the support of my brothers and sisters has been invaluable.

Major Ways the Body of Christ Helped Me

There are several major ways the body of Christ has helped me after divorce. Here are the main examples.

Prayer Teams

On a horrible night in February 2022, when the lowest point of all the lows post-divorce occurred, I had a fleeting thought of ending it all. That self-destructive feeling hadn’t happened since high school, so I was terrified. But I was listening to the song “Defender” at the time, and I believe it was a protective covering over me. I posted an emergency prayer request on Facebook and emailed my newsletter list, so literally thousands of people all over the world were praying for me in my lowest moment.

From the beginning, the trifecta of regularly seeing my Christian counselor, meeting with my fellow Stephen Minister, and phone calls with my best friend all kept me sane (quite literally). The prayers from so many others held me up.

I also had a supportive prayer group on Facebook and a mastermind I had joined only a few months prior. Those dear sisters in Christ regularly covered me with their prayers, and I will never forget that. They also sent me cards, flowers, and sweet gifts in the mail that I still use daily, which help me think of them with gratitude.

First Weekend

The weekend my divorce was final, I was already scheduled to travel to Nashville for a conference. Though I was as fragile as an eggshell emotionally, being there with my brothers and sisters in Christ was the best possible gift I could have experienced, especially since my primary love language is quality time.

My friend Tama told me about my life being like a 100 percent black blob at the time. But as time would pass, she promised it would gradually fade back to white with maybe just a few grey flecks. Only God knows how long that will take. Tama’s words have replayed in my mind many times. I’d say now I’m still at a 60 percent grey, but at least that’s an improvement from where I once was.

My friend Kelly brought me lunch in my hotel room, and we cried and laughed together. She’s endured a similar path of difficulties and affirmed my struggles mainly by listening and nodding.

I can’t even recount how many awesome conversations and hugs I received at the conference, including one I remember with my friend Angel. They were exactly what I needed at the time when I was hovering on the edge of sanity. I remember the warmth of my friend Natalia’s hands as she grasped mine and prayed over me. I remember talking with several others whose words were balm to my heart.

Ongoing Kindnesses

There are so many other kindnesses – I know I will forget to mention some of them. But these are other ones I’m remembering today, and the memories bring me such comfort.

My best friend Elizabeth treated me to a girlfriend’s weekend. More than anyone else besides my daughter, she knows all the details of the entire story. No one is wiser, more empathetic, or more insightful than her – and I don’t take advantage of our 40 years of friendship. She’s the first one I call when I need wisdom on what to do, because I can’t do that with my counselor. I couldn’t have gotten through this without her.

Angie is my other best friend. I remember a day she treated me to all my favorite things in St. Louis, one of my favorite places in the whole world. She is a very busy wife and mom of four, and I knew the day was a sacrifice for her and her family. But it’s a deeply treasured memory – a happy day with one of the sunshiniest people I know.

One of my blogging friends, Donna, sent lovely gifts in the mail several times post-divorce. Now I have beautiful keepsakes which help me remember I am loved. One of my followers, Stacey, sent me two lavishly decorated homemade books as part of a huge care package. These books are so girly and indulgent. They are gorgeous creations full of lace and florals that I flip through when I feel depleted. These one-of-a-kind gift books lift my spirits when I need encouragement.

My podcasting friends were so incredibly supportive. Many of them talked to me for more than an hour after I interviewed with them. Some told me about how God has redeemed their stories post-divorce, and I hadn’t even known they were divorced. I have a sweet memory of my friend Trudy, who purposely wore a floral shirt for our interview because she knew how much I love flowers. So thoughtful and kind – I love these brothers and sisters in Christ because they truly care.

Local Kindnesses

My high school English teacher, Christine, and her husband have become surrogate parents for me. They have invited me to many events and stood by my side when I needed them. One of my favorite memories was when they invited my daughter and me over for homemade pizza and game night. The fact that they extended kindness to my daughter, who has also suffered so much, is priceless to me.

Another teacher of mine, Sonja, supported me in tangible ways. We were in Bible study together. Every so often, after Bible study, she would slip me a check or some cash just because. I know she gets how hard it can be financially as a single mom. I’m not in a position to give like this now, but her example is what I will most definitely do in the future. She is paying it forward, and I love her for that.

Lindsey is another local friend who encouraged me. She approached me in the fall of 2023 at a craft fair. She knew about my story from a different angle, which I won’t discuss here. However, her affirmation and care truly encouraged me in a difficult moment. I’ll never forget her words of kindness, and I hope to bump into her again sometime to thank her once again.

Donations from the Greater Body of Christ

My dishwasher broke right after my divorce. God told me I needed to ask people to help pay for a new one. This was incredibly humbling for me. But God provided the full amount from donations I didn’t expect. The most meaningful one was from my friend Susan, whom I’ve never met in person or chatted with on Zoom, but we’ve known each other as fellow bloggers for 15+ years. Because she has faced horrific circumstances like mine, she gave very generously. At least once a week, when I’m using my dishwasher, I praise God for her and the other dear friends who provided.

The biggest donation event, which stretched me past all my limits, was when my beloved Labrador retriever, the inspiration for my Hidden Manna book, needed expensive ACL surgery. Again, God told me to ask, but the amount was seven times more than the dishwasher. On the day of the surgery, I was able to write a check for the exact amount – more than $4,200. Only because God moved in the hearts of so many people was I able to pay for Memphis’ surgery. Again, at least once a week while I’m petting my soft boy, I thank God for all the people who provided so generously for my needs.

Just Listen, No Advice Team

In the fall of 2023, I formed a special prayer team that would just listen and not offer any advice, based on the model in Job 2:11-13. I was facing tough stuff, but I didn’t know I would face even tougher stuff in the months ahead. Those weekly individual Zoom calls with my sisters in Christ carried me through horrifically traumatic events. Simply seeing their faces and hearing their voices on Zoom was enough to carry me through another week. The ladies on this team were my true prayer warriors, including my oldest friend Erin, whom I hadn’t seen in years.

God gave these ladies just the right things to say at just the right time. One example: I remember my friend Karen telling me that she had a vision of me kicking my little legs underneath the Father’s wing that was holding me. This visual has made me laugh on days when I felt I couldn’t hang on. I could go on and on with stories from this dear group of ladies, but I’ll simply say I still treasure and reflect on those conversations now.

Today’s Encouragement

Even today, less than 24 hours after I was plunged headfirst into new trauma, my friend Sue encouraged me on a Zoom call we had previously scheduled. She listened to me and affirmed me as I cried and wiped snot from my face. She gave me perspective and practical help I haven’t been able to consider in my moment of severe stress. So many times, God has sent me a friend from the body of Christ to encourage me just when I needed it, and Sue was my person today.

Also, I’ve learned that on completely overwhelming days, like when a stalker approached me, I must reach out for help. That’s why I posted a prayer request on Facebook and also on my Instagram stories today. Seeing comments and prayers from my brothers and sisters in Christ lifted my spirits and helped me feel less alone on a very difficult day. I’ve learned time and time again to share prayer requests when I need help, because I believe so strongly in the power of intercessory prayer.

Jesus’ Encouragement

The words of Jesus that have encouraged me over and over again in these 3.5+ excruciating years are recorded in this passage:

While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”  And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Matt. 12:46-50 ESV

Jesus himself greatly valued the body of Christ even before the Church existed. He was prophetically demonstrating the body of Christ’s function.

This scripture greatly comforts me because God has richly blessed me with many friends. I think he did this because he knows how much I’ve suffered my whole life from a lack of family support. My brothers and sisters in Christ are now my true family, and I could not survive without them.

If You Need Encouragement from the Body of Christ After Divorce

If you need encouragement from the body of Christ after divorce, I strongly encourage you to reach out frequently for help. Yes, I know that it’s hard and humbling to do this, especially on the most difficult days. But your burden will be lifted if you do this, and you need to do it as a gift to yourself.

Maybe you haven’t been seeing a counselor for 15+ years, as I have. You can do what I did so long ago – get a free, one-time counseling call with Focus on the Family, which will then refer you to a Christian counselor in your area. You can also check to see if a Stephen Ministry branch is located near you. This is a free option that allows you to meet with a trained member of a church’s pastoral care team. I have been a Stephen Minister since 2021, and it’s been a wonderfully redemptive experience to walk alongside others during their crisis moments.

I encourage you to get involved with a local church that has a DivorceCare ministry. Right after my divorce, I went to several of these meetings, and they provided a strong sense of community. This is another way to be blessed and encouraged by the body of Christ in your season of suffering.

I pray that this post has blessed and encouraged you. May God grant you peace and encouragement by connecting with the body of Christ after divorce.

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