One afternoon several years ago, I cried out to God from my prayer closet: “Why do you allow me to feel so much pain?”
I was standing in the intersection of old grief and new grief. That summer I wrote many memories in the form of poems, an excruciating process of reliving past hurts. I brought old hurts out in the open on paper, examined the pain, grieved the loss of what they revealed, and worked to put them to rest.
When new family conflict piled on top of this grieving process, I felt overwhelmed. That’s when I sobbed out my frustration to the Lord.
I acknowledged that God made me more sensitive than others, even as a child. Not many people have such a catalog of hurts recorded in reams of memory. My sisters have blocked most of those memories out. “Why am I the one,” I asked God, “who can remember so much? Why am I the sensitive one?”
The Lord spoke tenderly to me, and I pictured him taking my face in his hands, like I do with my daughter. He said, “I made you this way so you can help others like you.”
With his words, I felt settled and calmed, like my babies quieted when I held them close.
Psalm 139 tells how God carefully shapes each person:
For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139: 13-14 NIV
There was no accident when God created me extra sensitive to both pleasure and pain. Before I was born he knew the pain I would endure as a child of divorce. He saw the dark days of depression before they ever came to be. He saw the deep hurt I would endure in my marriage.
But God also crafted me to experience joy in my suffering. He tuned my ears to his voice when I was young. He gave me a deep love for beauty, and I remember always searching for it as a child in whatever flowers I could find among the weeds. He gave me the gift of music, which soothed me during my difficult teenage years. God lavished creativity on me so I would have healthy antidotes—writing, art, music, cooking, gardening—to ease the pain.
And God granted me a new start in my marriage, a miracle I never thought possible. He granted me healing as a mother of three wonderful children. He has given me a vibrant spiritual journey among all the hurts I endured.
God himself has been the healing balm for all the sensitive places in my soul.
I am proud to be an orchid girl—sensitive and unique. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Rare and beautiful. God intentionally made me this way so I can bless others, and that’s why I share my story with you.
Father, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made! No part of my creation was a mistake. No part of my story is an accident. You created me to glorify you as I am. Thank you for creating me exactly the way you wanted, Lord. Help me to live out your purpose for my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
How has God shaped you to uniquely bless others?
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