God’s Refrigerator

 

img_1442I love my cluttered collection of magnets, photos, and business cards on the sides of my refrigerator.   When I take a phone call or sort our recycling items, I look over my collection and it makes me smile.  Corny, glittered mementos from tourist shops. Handmade creations from my children’s classrooms.  Oldie-but-goodie prints from our dating days.

The one item that always gives me pause is my August 1993 school portrait.

The 15-year-old me was nervous and excited that day.  Freshly hatched from a spiritual rebirth experience in the basement bathroom the week prior, I was ready to enter my junior year with verve for the Lord.

Little did I know that in two short months my lifelong best friend would move away, and I would turn all my hurt inward and slide downward, even entertaining suicidal thoughts.

I wasn’t aware that my depression was linked to all the hurt, anger, and confusion about my parents’ divorces and second marriages.  The storm clouds were gathering and I would be blindsided.

More than 20 years later, I know her pain.  I no longer hate myself, and I no longer am burdened with anger and confusion.  It took a lot of suffering, grieving, and therapy to get to the other side.

I heard a sermon once that said God carries your photo in His wallet.  I think He carries my old photo in His wallet, or maybe He keeps it on the side of His refrigerator.  I take comfort in His words of Isaiah 49:16, “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

God saw me and knew me then.  He knew the storm clouds were gathering.  He never let me go, even as the storms raged over me.  He showed me how to come out on the other side as a conqueror (Romans 8:37).

When I pause and look at that photo now, I say out loud, “I love you, 15-year-old Sarah.”  I say that to acknowledge the girl inside me, to validate her pain and her worth.  And then I thank God for all the healing He has brought to me since then.

How has God helped you through your struggles as a child of divorce?

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  • Reblogged this on Helianthus and commented:

    The first post on my new blog for adult children of divorce–check it out!

  • Awesome post. I have had the same concerns about my own children from my divorce from their dad and his remarriage. I kept them in counseling for years and praise God that He has them in the Palm of His Hand or should I say on the side of His Refrigerator while He watches over them. We have an awesome Father who knows every wound and every pain that we have felt. We just need to keep giving it to Him and let Him carry it. God bless you!

    • Thanks for the comment. I am glad it resonated with you as a mother, and that you led your children through the valley to our heavenly Father. Blessings to you also!

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