Be His Private Garden

You are a beautiful private garden for your husband. #marriage #valentine

I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 3 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Think about the most beautiful garden you’ve visited.  What if you had it all to yourself?

The most beautiful gardens I’ve visited are the Missouri Botanical Gardens.  I love the wide array of colors, shapes, textures, and fragrances which delight my senses.  My favorite place is the Climatron, a large greenhouse filled with tropical plants and butterflies.  I enjoy the sound of rushing water from the fountains.  It’s fun to spy butterflies flitting in and out of shady places.  And I also take pleasure in spotting a lovely orchid growing in an obscure corner.  This greenhouse holds more subtle, hidden pleasures than the tulip beds and cherry trees, vying for attention in the wide-open.

I love to garden, and I have several flowerbeds and vegetable spaces.  One of my favorites is a hidden garden underneath our children’s wooden play set.  Shaded from the sun, several varieties of native ferns thrive in the cool space. It’s a private delight to me, because it’s not on display for others to see.  

You are a private garden for your husband.  Only he is privy to all the delights you offer.  He is the only one who enjoys the full array of your beauty.  Only he knows your most intimate self.  He is the only one meant to have full access to your heart, besides God.

Take a look at this scripture:

You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Song of Songs 4:12 NLT

When you are intimate with your husband, you are his private garden, and he is yours.  You create something unique, lovely, and even holy when you delight only in each other’s embrace.

Listen to this quote by Jill Savage from The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage:

Have you ever thought of sex as recreation? It is! God gave us the gift of sex as a form of recreation in our marriage.  It’s our own private playground where God intends for us to enjoy physical pleasure.

As I’m sure you have learned, your husband feels closest to you when you are intimate together.  Your husband is wired to bond to you emotionally at the peak of intimate pleasure, inside the center of the private garden you share with him.  This is when he feels most love for you and most loved by you…it’s worth spending effort to prepare for him mentally, physically, and emotionally when you grasp this truth.

When my husband and I were in a hard spot years ago, we attended counseling together.  The counselor asked us to list ways that we appreciated each other.  I was surprised by one of my husband’s answers: “I share myself only with her in the bedroom, not with anyone else.”  At a time when our verbal communication was stalled, physical intimacy was his sharing ground.  We still needed to work on communication, but once I saw sex as another communication pathway, I relaxed my expectations and placed value on sex the way God intended me to do.

Here are three ways I’m choosing to be a private garden this week:

  • Reserve some stories only for him.  It’s tempting to share my thoughts and concerns with my friends first.  But I want him to have primary access to my heart, so I’m reserving a few things for his ears only.
  • Reserve some energy only for him.  I have more energy for intimate time together when I take a short nap after work.  If I don’t rest before checking emails, exercising, and cooking supper, I’m completely spent once I lay down.  I want to make sure I’m not too tired to be intimate.
  • Reserve my heart only for him.  I must throw away any careless images and daydreams, reserving my musings and ideas of romance only for my husband.  This is one reason I avoid reading romance novels; they tempt my mind to stray.

What practical step can you take today to be a private garden to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 4, Be His Friend.  And catch up on Day 1 and Day 2 here!

Photo generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

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9 thoughts on “Be His Private Garden

  1. I am SO glad I stopped by today. This is something I have been reflecting on deeply. So many things in our lives and often in our pasts skew our view of healthy intimacy in marriage. It is something I’m working to restore in my life right now. Thank you so much for this pure view of God’s intention for marriage. 🙂

    1. Hi Nicole! I’m glad to see you here. I noticed you recently joined Compel…you will love it! Are you thinking of attending She Speaks? I’m going and I’d love to meet you in person!

  2. I love the idea of a private garden or playground! I struggle with having energy or desire at the end of the day. My girls aren’t little anymore, but they still need a lot from me!

    1. I understand–I think it gets a bit easier as the children get older. Praying you find some private time this week!

  3. This is an awesome post Sarah! I will go back and read the rest. I really like what you have said here. This is so true and God does intend it to be this way. No romance novels! Amen! They mess with your head and God doesn’t approve. I finished your “Newness of Life” book today and I enjoyed it very much! Thank you for your amazing testimony. I will try to get a review on Facebook fan page next week and I’ll send you a link. You did a wonderful job on it.

    1. Sherry, I’m so grateful you read my book. I can’t wait to receive the link! Hooray! If you would also post an Amazon review, that would help immensely. And, if you want to get a free copy of my next book, you can be on my launch team. I will send a message to your email, OK? Blessings to you!

  4. Sometimes we just don’t realize how necessary that form of communication can be in our marriage, or the way that it soothes the hurts and the pains of life. One of our Pastors told us that marital intimacy was intended to be the unifying grace that kept the enemy at bay. If it was guarded as precious and special as God intended it, then it would meet the unmet needs for both husband and wife as it should. I’ve never forgotten that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.

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