Prayer, 2002

2002 disillusion0001

I pray for safety

when D works out of town

for entire weeks, and my loneliness

is staved only so much

by takeout pizza, Survivor episodes,

and library books.  When he leaves

I cry like a little girl, and he holds me

so close I try to melt into him,

to absorb his strength and resilience.

I pray for fulfillment

because answering phone calls,

typesetting price tags, and correcting transcripts

sucks me dry, a world of disillusion far away

from creative expectations.  When I pick up the mail

I keep the office copy of The New Yorker

the whole weekend, keeping my dreams

of writing and illustrating alive.

I pray my greatest dream

will awaken: to become a stay-at-home mom.

To be present

loving

nurturing

open

and secure,

to meet the needs

forsaken in our lives.

I pray for healing

restoration

new life

new paths

and new directions.

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