In the starry darkness
I cling to D’s side, feeling his breath
rise and fall like a steadfast tide.
I lay still in the eye of the storm
spinning wild. Everything
swirls without anchors…
Mom is packing everything away.
Even though I thought she’d rejoice
my story of happiness-at-last crashed
against her shuttered face.
Dad rejoices with me, but
he is divorcing again, already
living with another woman
a hundred miles north, far away
from all of us. She wore his torn red sweatshirt
the night we first met and handed me a fistful
of wilting lilacs. Too much to absorb,
too many objects whirling around me
on a bed in a spinning house
like Dorothy. I worry about my sisters,
watching the future sky with desperate fear
as if a tornado has been spotted.
My new roommate situation is disintegrating
like tissue paper in a downpour.
My grades are slipping
because I’m spending too many
nights at D’s place, waking up
safe in his arms.
I’m too ashamed
to reach for God now.
Surely his arms are folded in displeasure
because I moved too fast with D.
D feels like my only
anchor in this storm.
He gave me a beautiful
lavender rose bouquet for Mother’s Day,
and said I will be a great mother
to our children someday.
Everyone thinks he’s moving
way too fast, but a floodgate
has burst inside, and I’m not even trying
to stop the flow.
Yet as I hold onto D,
my security in this storm,
I know he can’t be tamed
and I will never
be completely free
from the wild.